It gets better, right?
I’m told constantly that the best feeling in the world is knowing you have someone to fall back on whenever you can not stand up by yourself; and that the hardest part is waiting for that someone to come into your life. To me this makes no sense, maybe because I just lost the person I thought would always be there. You know what the best feeling in the world to me right now is? Being able to stand in front of someone, anyone, and put my well practiced smile on like this war is not going on inside my head at the very moment. I love every second of knowing that 6 years of practicing these fake smiles and laughs is put to good use; not worrying others with my problems. I can handle it just fine by myself. Another thing is knowing that people are way too easy to deceive, and it’s great. I cannot stand the texts from fake people asking “Are you okay?” … just stop, everyone knows you are only asking to get one of two things: 1.) make yourself feel better by ‘knowing’ I’m alright or 2.) to get more dirt on people so you can run your big mouth to everyone around you.
And this is why the simple, “Yeah.” will be enough for the fake people and we can both move on with our lives, like intended. Just do us both a favor, and let me handle me,
so you can handle you.
Still, being told it gets better helps a bit. Knowing this will end sooner or later is the little boost I need to continue on without going back to previous habits.. I just wish people would keep their mouths shut and ear open for once in their lives. Sometimes, I just want to talk without being judged. I just want to live without being judged.